Lessons in Chemistry
- Автор: Garmus Bonnie
- Год: 2022
- Язык: английский
- Год: Doubleday Canada
- Жанр: Современная русская и зарубежная проза
Электронная книга - «Lessons in Chemistry». Краткое содержание книги:
“I’ve never thrown a dinner party.”
“Sure, you have,” he said. “I bet you and Mr. Zott throw them all the—”
“There is no Mr. Zott, Walter,” Elizabeth interrupted. “I’m unmarried. The truth is, I’ve never been married.”
“Oh,” Walter gasped, visibly taken aback. “Well. That is certainly interesting. But would you mind? I hope you won’t take this the wrong way, but would you mind never mentioning that to anyone? Specifically to Lebensmal, my boss? Or really — anyone?”
“I loved Madeline’s father,” she explained, her brow slightly furrowed. “It’s just that I couldn’t marry him.”
“It was an affair,” Walter said sympathetically, dropping his voice. “He was stepping out on his wife. Was that it?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “We loved each other completely. In fact, we’d been living together for—”
“That would be another great thing never to mention,” Walter interrupted. “Never.”
“—two years. We were soulmates.”
“How nice,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’m sure it’s all in order. But still, that’s not the sort of thing we need to tell anyone. Ever. Although I’m sure you had plans to marry him at some point.”
“I didn’t,” she said quietly. “But more to the point, he died.” And with those words, her face clouded with despair.
Walter was shocked by her sudden shift in character. She had a way about her — an authority that he knew the camera would love — but she was also fragile. Poor thing. Without thinking twice, he put his arms around her. “I’m deeply sorry,” he said, pulling her in.
“So am I,” she muffled into his shoulder. “So am I.”
He flinched. Such loneliness. He patted her back as he did with Amanda, communicating, as best he could, that he wasn’t just sorry for her loss but understood it. Had he ever been in love like that? No. But now he had a very good idea what it looked like.
“I apologize,” she said, pulling away, surprised at how much she’d needed that hug.
“It’s okay,” he said gently. “You’ve been through a lot.”
“Regardless,” she said, straightening up, “I should know better than to speak of it. I’ve already been fired for it once.”
For the third time that morning, Walter flinched. When she said “it,” he wasn’t sure what she meant. Had she been fired for killing her lover? Or for being an unwed mother? Both explanations were plausible, but he far preferred the second one.
“I killed him,” she admitted softly, eliminating his preference. “I insisted he use a leash and he died. Six-Thirty has never been the same.”
“That’s terrible,” Walter said in an even lower voice, because even though he didn’t understand what she’d said about the leash or the six thirty time zone, he understood what she’d meant. She’d made a choice and it had ended badly. He’d done the very same thing. And both of their bad choices resulted in small people who now bore the brunt of their parents’ poor choices. “I’m so very sorry.”
“I’m sorry for you, too,” she said, trying to regain her composure. “Your divorce.”
“Oh, don’t be,” he said, waving his hand, embarrassed that his lurch at love could be compared in any way to hers. “It wasn’t like your situation. Mine didn’t have anything to do with love. Amanda isn’t even technically mine in the DNA sense of things,” he blurted without meaning to. In fact, he’d only just found out three weeks ago.
His ex-wife had long insinuated that he wasn’t Amanda’s biological father, but he’d figured she’d only said it to hurt him. Sure, he and Amanda didn’t look alike, but plenty of children don’t look like their parents. Every time he held Amanda in his arms, he knew she was his; he could sense the deep, permanent biological connection. But his ex-wife’s cruel insistence ate at him, and when paternity testing finally became available, he produced a blood sample. Five days later, he knew the truth. He and Amanda were total strangers.
He’d stared at the test results, expecting to feel cheated or devastated or any of the other ways he’d guessed he was supposed to feel, but instead he’d felt completely nonplussed. The results didn’t matter at all. Amanda was his daughter and he was her father. He loved her with all his heart. Biology was overrated.
“I’d never planned to be a parent,” he told Elizabeth. “But here I am, a devoted father. Life’s a mystery, isn’t it? People who try and plan it inevitably end up disappointed.”
She nodded. She was a planner. She was disappointed.
“Anyway,” he continued. “I believe we can make something with Supper at Six. But there are some things about TV that you’re just going to, well, have to put up with. In terms of the wardrobe, I’ll tell the tailor to ease the seams. But in quid pro quo, I’d like you to practice smiling.”
She frowned.
“Jack LaLanne smiles when he’s doing push-ups,” Walter said. “That’s the way he makes hard things look fun. Study Jack’s style — he’s a master.”
At the mention of Jack’s name, Elizabeth tensed. She hadn’t watched Jack LaLanne since Calvin died, and that was partly because she blamed him — yes, she knew it wasn’t fair — for Calvin’s death. The memory of Calvin coming into the kitchen after Jack’s show filled her with a sudden warmth.
“There you go,” Walter said.
Elizabeth glanced up at him.
“You were almost smiling.”
“Oh,” she said. “Well, it was unintentional.”
“That’s fine. Intentional, nonintentional. Anything will do. Most of mine are forced. Including those at Woody Elementary School, where I’m headed next. I’ve been summoned by Mrs. Mudford.”
“I have too,” Elizabeth said, surprised. “I have a conference tomorrow. Does yours concern Amanda’s reading list?”
“Reading?” he said, surprised. “They’re kindergartners, Elizabeth; they can’t read. Anyway, the issue isn’t Amanda. It’s me. She’s suspicious of me because I’m a father raising a daughter alone.”
“Why?”
He looked surprised. “Why do you think?”
“Oh,” she said, with sudden understanding. “She believes you’re sexually deviant.”
“I wouldn’t have put it so, so…blatantly,” Walter said, “but yes. It’s like wearing a badge that says ‘Hello! I’m a pedophile — and I babysit!’ ”
“I guess we’re both suspect, then,” Elizabeth said. “Calvin and I had sex nearly every day — completely normal for our youth and activity level — but because we weren’t married…”
“Ah,” Walter said, paling. “Well—”
“As if marriage has anything to do with sexuality—”
“Ah—”
“There were times,” she explained matter-of-factly, “that I would wake up in the middle of the night filled with desire — I’m sure that’s happened to you — but Calvin was in the middle of a REM cycle, so I didn’t disturb him. But then I mentioned it later and he was practically apoplectic. ‘No, Elizabeth,’ he said, ‘always wake me up. REM cycle or no REM cycle. Do not hesitate.’ It wasn’t until I did more reading on testosterone that I better understood the male sex drive—”
“Speaking of drive,” Walter interrupted, his face scarlet. “I wanted to remind you to park in the north lot.”
“The north lot,” she said, her hands on her hips. “That’s the one off to the left as I pull in?”
“Exactly.”
“Anyway,” she continued. “I’m sorry that Mudford has implied you’re anything other than a loving father. I very much doubt she’s read the Kinsey Reports.”