Lessons in Chemistry
- Автор: Garmus Bonnie
- Год: 2022
- Язык: английский
- Год: Doubleday Canada
- Жанр: Современная русская и зарубежная проза
Электронная книга - «Lessons in Chemistry». Краткое содержание книги:
Although he didn’t admit to it, Wakely found himself agreeing. No one had to pray to Snow White or fear the wrath of Rumpelstiltskin to understand the message. The stories were short, memorable, and covered all the bases of love, pride, folly, and forgiveness. Their rules were bite-sized: Don’t be a jerk. Don’t hurt other people or animals. Share what you have with others less fortunate. In other words, be nice. He decided to change the topic.
“Okay, Evans,” he wrote, referring to a previous letter, “I take your very literal point about how ministering can’t, technically, be in my blood, but we Wakelys become ministers just like cobblers’ sons become shoemakers. I’ll confess: I’ve always been attracted to biology, but that would never fly in my family. Maybe I’m just trying to please my father. Isn’t that what we all do in the end? What about you? Was your father a scientist? Are you trying to please him? If so, I’d say you succeeded.”
“I HATE MY FATHER,” Calvin typed in all capital letters in what would prove to be their final exchange. “I HOPE HE’S DEAD.”
—
I hate my father; I hope he’s dead. Elizabeth read it again, stunned. But Calvin’s father was dead — hit by a train at least two decades earlier. Why would he have written such a thing? And why had Calvin and Wakely stopped corresponding? The last letter was dated nearly ten years ago.
—
“Mom,” Mad said. “Mom! Are you listening? Are we poor?”
“Honey,” Elizabeth said, trying to stave off a nervous breakdown—had she really quit her job? “I’ve had a long day,” she said. “Please. Just eat your dinner.”
“But, Mom—”
They were interrupted by the jangle of the telephone. Mad jumped from her chair.
“Don’t answer it, Mad.”
“Might be important.”
“We’re eating dinner.”
“Hello?” Mad said. “Mad Zott speaking.”
“Honey,” Elizabeth said, taking the phone. “We don’t give out private information on the telephone, remember? Hello?” she said into the mouthpiece. “With whom am I speaking?”
“Mrs. Zott?” a voice said. “Mrs. Elizabeth Zott? It’s Walter Pine, Mrs. Zott. We met earlier this week.”
Elizabeth sighed. “Oh. Yes, Mr. Pine.”
“I’ve been trying to reach you all day. Perhaps your housekeeper neglected to give you my messages.”
“She is not a housekeeper and she did not neglect to give me your messages.”
“Oh,” he said, embarrassed. “I see. I’m sorry. I hope I’m not disturbing you. Do you have a moment? Is this a good time?”
“No.”
“I’ll be quick, then,” he said, not wanting to lose her. “And again, Mrs. Zott, I’ve rectified the lunch situation. It’s all fixed; Amanda will only be eating her own lunch from now on, again my apologies. But now I’m calling for another reason— a business reason.”
He went on to remind her he was a producer of local afternoon TV programming. “KCTV,” he said proudly, even though he wasn’t. “And I’ve been thinking of changing my lineup a bit — adding a cooking show. Trying to spice things up, you might say,” he continued, taking a stab at humor, something he normally didn’t do but did now because Elizabeth Zott made him nervous. As he waited for the polite chuckle that should have come from the other end but didn’t, he grew even more anxious. “As a seasoned television producer, I feel the time is ripe for such a show.”
Again, nothing.
“I’ve been doing research,” he blathered on, “and based on some very interesting trends, and combined with my personal knowledge of successful afternoon programming, I believe cooking is poised to become a force in afternoon TV.”
Elizabeth still offered no reaction, and even if she had, it wouldn’t have mattered because none of what Walter said was true.
The truth was, Walter Pine did not conduct research, nor was he aware of any trends. Factually speaking, he had very little personal knowledge of what made afternoon TV successful. As proof, his channel usually hovered near the bottom, ratings-wise. The real situation was this: Walter had an empty programming slot to fill and the advertisers were breathing down his neck to get it filled immediately. A children’s clown show had previously filled the now-empty slot, but in the first place, it hadn’t been very good, and in the second place, its clown star had been killed in a bar fight, making the show completely dead in the truest sense.
For the last three weeks, he’d been scrambling to find something else to take its place. He’d spent eight hours a day screening promo reels from countless would-be stars — magicians, advice givers, comedians, music instructors, science experts, etiquette mavens, puppeteers. Wading through it all, Walter couldn’t believe the drivel other people produced, nor could he believe they had the gall to commit it to film, put it in the mail, and send it to him. Had they no shame? Still, he had to find something fast: his career depended on it. His boss had made that abundantly clear.
On top of work woes, four times this month he’d been summoned in to see Mrs. Mudford, Amanda’s kindergarten teacher, who most recently had threatened to report him simply because, in a cloud of exhaustion and depression, he’d inadvertently packed his gin flask where Amanda’s milk thermos was supposed to go. He’d also sent a stapler instead of a sandwich, a script instead of a napkin, and some champagne truffles that time they were out of bread.
—
“Mr. Pine?” Elizabeth said, interrupting his thoughts. “I’ve had a long day. Is there something you wanted?”
“I want to create a cooking show for afternoon TV,” he said in a rush. “And I want you to host. It’s obvious to me that you can cook, Mrs. Zott, but I also think you would have a certain appeal.” He didn’t say it was because she was attractive. Plenty of good-looking people skated by on their looks, but something told him Elizabeth Zott was not one of those people. “This would be a fun show — woman to woman. You’d be singing to your people.” And when she didn’t respond right away, he added, “Housewives?”
From the other end of the phone, Elizabeth narrowed her eyes. “I beg your pardon?”
The tone. Walter should have understood it and hung up right then. But he didn’t because he was desperate, and desperate people tend to overlook the most obvious signals. Elizabeth Zott belonged in front of a camera — he was sure of it — plus, she was exactly the kind of woman his boss would go nuts for.
“You’re nervous about the audience,” he said, “but there’s no reason. We use cue cards. All you have to do is read and be yourself.” He waited for a response, but when none came, he carried on. “You have presence, Mrs. Zott,” he pressed. “You’re exactly the kind of person people want to see on TV. You’re like a…” He tried hard to think of someone like her, but nothing came to mind.
“I’m a scientist,” she snapped.
“Right!”
“You’re saying the public wants to hear from more scientists.”
“Yes,” he said. “Who doesn’t?” Although he didn’t and he was fairly certain no one else did either. “Although this would be a cooking show, you understand.”
“Cooking is science, Mr. Pine. They’re not mutually exclusive.”
“Uncanny. I was just about to say that.”
From her kitchen table, Elizabeth envisioned her unpaid utility bills. “How much does something like this pay?” she asked.