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A Three Dog Problem

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In the wake of a referendum which has divided the nation, the last thing the Queen needs is any more problems to worry about. But when an oil painting of the Royal Yacht Britannia – first given to the Queen in the 1960s – shows up unexpectedly in a Royal Navy exhibition, she begins to realise that something is up.
When a body is found in the Palace swimming pool, she finds herself once again in the middle of an investigation which has more twists and turns than she could ever have suspected. With her trusted secretary Rozie by her side, the Queen is determined to solve the case. But will she be able to do it before the murderer strikes again? 
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They had half an hour scheduled before lunch, in her private audience room. It was their first opportunity to catch up since the state banquet.

‘Not too many disasters behind the scenes, I hope?’ she asked.

‘One or two, ma’am. I’m afraid Vulcan disgraced himself again. He appeared from nowhere when a guest was emerging from the loos and bit him in the ankle.’

‘Oh dear! One of ours or one of theirs?’

‘One of ours. A Permanent Under Secretary, as I recall.’

‘Oh, that’s all right then.’ She grinned. ‘He won’t sue. Do send a note, though. “The Queen deeply regrets . . .”’

‘Of course.’ He smiled, feeling a bit like a magician about to produce a rabbit from a hat. ‘I thought you might like to know, ma’am, that we’ve solved the nasty matter of those letters.’

Her eyes widened behind her glasses. She looked positively shocked.

‘Really? I didn’t know you were still looking into them.’

He assured her that he very much was.

‘In conjunction with the police?’

‘In a way, ma’am.’

The chief inspector and his man were always available to help out (she seemed ready to dispute this, but he hadn’t produced the rabbit yet), but they were focusing mostly on Cynthia Harris, and he, the Master, had a broader view. He admitted that their general presence might have spurred the culprit on to come clean when caught. If so, he was grateful for the assistance. (He wasn’t, but you had to make Her Majesty feel useful.)

‘Come clean?’ the Queen queried. She still looked mightily puzzled. ‘Do you mean, he’s admitted it?’

She,’ the Master gently corrected. ‘And yes, ma’am, she has. She couldn’t help it: she was caught in the act. I have her confession here.’ At which point, he opened the leather folder he’d been holding to reveal the signed typescript in all its glory.

The Boss was too startled, obviously, for the delighted smile yet, but he would settle for astonishment. He had been quite surprised himself.

‘And who is she?’

‘A housemaid, ma’am. A woman called Lorna Lobb. She was seen at the canteen last week, hovering near the table where your APS was sitting. My team have been asked to be on the lookout, and it was one of my clerks who spotted her. Rozie was busy talking to someone else and my clerk saw Mrs Lobb about to drop something in her bag. He managed to corner her before she could do it. It was all very discreet. I don’t think Rozie even noticed, ma’am, but Lorna could hardly deny the envelope she was holding, or the fact she was wearing a single latex glove. She was quite terrified when we questioned her about it. And quite rightly. The note was absolutely appalling.’

‘Lorna Lobb?’ The Queen considered the name, her brow deeply furrowed. ‘Which notes did she deliver?’

‘All of them, ma’am, except the ones to Mary van Renen.’

‘Are you quite sure? Including the notes to Cynthia Harris?’

‘Absolutely. We have it here in writing.’ He tapped the folder. ‘She didn’t do it on her own account. She was working for Arabella Moore who, by the way, denies everything, but the case is very solid. Mrs Moore is married to Stewart Moore, who you may remember left under an unfortunate cloud that was somewhat of Mrs Harris’s making. There was bad feeling between her and the housekeeper.’

The Queen’s brow remained stubbornly furrowed. ‘But didn’t Mrs Harris receive other notes years ago? Before she retired, I mean? Before Mrs Moore would have had any reason to resent her?’

The Master had considered this himself. ‘She did,’ he acknowledged, ‘but Mrs Lobb claims to know nothing about those. I assume they were the work of someone else, giving Mrs Moore the idea. Mrs Harris was unpopular with some of the junior staff even then. She may quite easily have said or done something to create ill will.’

The Queen’s gaze rested on a selection of photographs in silver frames. Her lips were pursed. ‘Did Mrs Lobb explain what Mrs Moore’s motives were for the other messages? The ones not received by Mrs Harris, I mean.’

‘No. After a certain point she clammed up, unfortunately. But I did my own research. Mrs Moore was known to have had words with Mrs Baxter about the unrest she felt Mrs Baxter was stirring up in her staff. And with Rozie there was a racist element. I must say, this came as a complete shock. I’d never have guessed. Mrs Moore has always seemed a picture of propriety.’

‘Yes, she has,’ the Queen said quietly.

‘I asked if Rozie wanted to make an official complaint, formally to the police, I mean. But she didn’t. She was quite clear about that.’

‘And what about Mary van Renen? You said Mrs Lobb didn’t confess to those notes.’

‘Ah. That’s another matter entirely, ma’am. I don’t know if you remember, but Miss van Renen was being harassed by a man she had met on the internet. He caused some unpleasantness, but it was unrelated to Mrs Moore’s campaign.’

‘I see.’ Her Majesty didn’t seem puzzled any more, thank goodness, merely grim: the way she looked when watching parade manoeuvres poorly executed by troops of foreign nations in the rain. ‘And what does Mrs Moore have to say about all this?’

‘As I said, she’s denying everything, quite vociferously, but she would, ma’am, wouldn’t she? There’s a formal process we need to go through before we let her go. I have initiated it. She won’t be with us for much longer.’

The Queen’s brow furrowed again. ‘You haven’t sent her home already?’

The Master admitted that he hadn’t. He’d been too busy recently to give it his full attention, and – this was something he kept to himself – it was in his interest to keep Arabella Moore on for as long as possible. She might be a nasty, racist bully in her private life, but she was an excellent man-manager at work, and her team was responsible for all the guest liaison for the upcoming Diplomatic Corps Reception in a month, which was the biggest, most glamorous event of the year, putting even the state banquet to shame. She was, in her way, a bit like Cynthia Harris: very good at what she did in ways that were hard to replace at short notice in a high-pressure environment. She’d be out on her ear soon enough, once the formalities were over, but he offered to put her on paid leave instantly if Her Majesty required it.

However, she didn’t. She merely requested him to let her know if he discovered anything new, and asked to see a copy of Mrs Lobb’s confession. It was only as he was leaving that the Master realised she hadn’t looked delighted even for a moment. This, too, was a mark of the woman. Despite the fact that he had dealt with the issue for her, one of the victims had accidentally died in the process, and that was hard for all of them to take.

* * *

The Queen went upstairs for final fittings with Angela, her chief dresser, for the black coat and dresses she would wear at the end of the week. Afterwards, she caught up on correspondence and took the dogs for another walk in the garden.

Philip had brought up his latest painting to work on, meanwhile. It wouldn’t be long before he retired to the Sandringham Estate – at ninety-six – and she knew how much he would enjoy devoting himself to his canvases. He had never been a fan of the Palace. He would much rather live in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, but, thanks to her, until next year he didn’t get to choose.

She popped in on him in his study when she got back, to see how he was getting on.

He glanced up from his oils, in shirtsleeves, with an ancient cotton jacket thrown over them for protection. ‘Oh, Cabbage, it’s you.’ His eyes narrowed. ‘What was Crabmeat doing here earlier? I passed him outside your study looking about to explode with self-satisfaction.’

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