The Great Troll War
- Автор: Ффорде Джаспер
- Серия: The Last Dragonslayer #4
- Год: 2021
- Язык: английский
- Год: Hodder & Stoughton
- ISBN: 9781444799958
- Жанр: Фэнтези
Электронная книга - «The Great Troll War». Краткое содержание книги:
‘Where is Colin, by the way?’ I asked.
‘In mourning. He said he needed to fly out of sight of land and tread air for an hour or two to gather his thoughts and contemplate life as the only remaining Dragon.’
We fell silent for a moment.
‘Monty,’ said Boo, ‘we made a mistake. The Quarkbeast mass conjoinment will liberate far more juice than we thought.’
‘How … much more?’
‘263 TeraShandars.’
Boo had to repeat it.
‘That’s … that’s more wizidrical energy than the world has seen since magic even began,’ said Monty in a low voice.
‘By a large margin,’ said Boo.
‘He wanted to achieve immortality when we spoke,’ I said. ‘D’you actually think he could?’
Monty thought about it carefully.
‘He’d have to dump ARAMAIC and RUNIX spell languages and restart work on SIMSALLABIM.’
‘I’ve never heard of that,’ said Tiger.
‘It’s a radically different spell-code,’ said Monty, ‘that’s been worked on sporadically down the centuries. It’s essentially a self-learning artificially intelligent spell language where you tell it what you want to achieve, and it runs itself backwards to a workable spell.’
‘That makes anything possible,’ said Tiger.
‘That’s exactly what it means,’ said Boo. ‘With SIMSALLABIM up and running, all Shandar has to do is want something – and it shall become so.’
We talked on and I mentioned D’Argento’s revelation that Shandar had undertaken a ‘self-soulectomy’. This interested Boo and Monty, as a soul can’t be destroyed outside of a host, and the freshly removed Better Angels of his Nature had to have been sealed in a porcelain jar and then hidden.
‘How would we find them?’ asked Tiger.
‘Zambini was the finest proponent of finding lost things,’ said Monty. ‘In laboratory conditions he once located a lost sock seventy-six miles away buried under six inches of concrete. Mind you,’ he said, ‘that was twenty years ago when there was more crackle about.’
‘Even if we found his Better Angels,’ I said, ‘what could we do with them?’
‘I don’t know,’ said Boo. ‘As you might imagine, soulectomies are quite rare – I’ll have to look into it.’
We lapsed into silence after that, still unsure of Shandar’s ultimate plan. They, like me, didn’t really go for Shandar’s ‘Everything Project’. It was too noble. There must be something else. While we munched unhappily on the buns, half-expecting Sir Matt’s guards to arrest us, my mind turned to other matters. Namely: how wrong I had been about the Princess. I felt not only annoyed, confused that she hadn’t consulted me – but also hurt. We’d shared stuff, dangerous stuff, stuff that bonds warriors in battle – and you don’t bin all that for a massive twit with a lantern jaw and a deep voice – with or without the impressive singing career.
I gave Monty and Boo the Dibble Jars full of crackle, and while I took another sip from my hot chocolate they said they’d see what could be done with them. Things had looked really bad this morning when I left, but right now, with an idiot in charge, a tyrant about to become all-powerful, and Feldspar gone, things looked a great deal worse.
King Mathew Speaks
His Supreme Royal Highness King Mathew of all the Kingdoms, defender of the free and rightful ruler of all that anyone might survey, anywhere, didn’t waste much time once he had assumed power. He at once dissolved all Conclaves, cancelled all outstanding plans and strategies that the Princess or I might have instigated, and at once convened a King’s Court which I, as Court Mystician, was invited to attend – but I suspected really only to be fired.
‘Thank you all for gathering,’ said King Mathew as soon as we were assembled in the Queens Hotel ballroom, ‘and my wife the Queen and I thank you for the kind notes of congratulations on our nuptials and the many pledges of allegiance and IOUs regarding presents which we have seen fit to embrace rather than publicly ridicule, as we first thought we might.’
No one said anything, so he continued.
‘I’ve only got a few things to say, and I shall be brief. Firstly, I am to wield absolute power in all the Kingdoms, and anyone who has not signed the book of allegiance in the foyer will be considered an enemy of the Crown. But, to show my caring nature, they shall not be executed, but banished: thrown forcibly across the Button Trench in the direction of the Trolls after being painted with gravy. My Queen, your Queen, the only queen in what I am now calling the United Kingdoms, is currently resting in her suite upstairs, and will not be troubling her tiny female brain on anything more onerous than domestic affairs – and has passed all her powers to me. Any promises you made to her are now mine, all loyalty granted to her is with me, any promises the Queen made to anyone else will be looked at on a case-by-case basis. Any questions?’
Again no one said anything.
‘It’s now Saturday evening, and the deal with Shandar will go ahead as planned on Monday at dawn. We have until then to find the Quarkbeast, muzzle it and have it ready for the handover. Anyone who tries to stop us in this endeavour will find their life and property forfeit.’
‘I have a question,’ I said.
‘Ah,’ he said, ‘Court Mystician and ex-knight of the realm. My wife has told me that handing out honours willy-nilly was a grave mistake that has now been retracted. You should really say “Your Majesty” when you speak to me, but I’ll settle for “Sire”. Now, what is the question?’
‘The Mighty Shandar cares nothing for humans or Trolls,’ I said. ‘After you hand over the Quarkbeast, Shandar will be more powerful than any sorcerer has ever been. The only course open to you right now is not to do what he asks and try to figure out his plan – and a way of stopping him.’
King Mathew seemed unimpressed.
‘Thank you, Court Mystician, for your valuable input, but you are totally wrong. This Mighty Shandar seems a reasonable man. We will give him what he wants, and if he breaks his word then we will be in the same state as if he hadn’t got rid of the Trolls. All that it will cost us is a Quarkbeast, which is no biggie – I never liked the mangy little cur anyway.’
‘You have no idea the evil that you are tackling, Sire,’ I said. ‘He will—’
‘Are you loyal?’ he asked suddenly.
‘I am loyal to the wishes of the Princess Shazine,’ I said.
‘And her wish is that I am in charge, Miss Strange. Are you loyal to me?’
‘I am loyal … to a just belief.’
‘I’ll take that as a no. You are to relinquish the Quarkbeast to my care. This is the way you are to serve the Crown. Your tenure as Court Mystician ends now, and the position will not be filled until there is some sense of loyalty from those in the magic profession.’
‘You’re making a huge mist—’
‘That’s all agreed, then. Miss Strange, you have until midnight tonight to surrender the little beast, and if you refuse I shall have you executed. Following on from that, all members of your entourage will be asked, in alphabetical order, to reveal the whereabouts of the Quarkbeast – and if they refuse, they too will be executed. Are we clear?’
‘Yes, Your Majesty,’ I said as tartly as I could, and left the conference.