Mutiny of the Little Sweeties
- Автор: Емец Дмитрий Александрович
- Серия: My Big Family #1
- Год: 2016
- Язык: английский
- Переводчик: Jane H. Buckingham
- Жанр: Детские и приключения
Электронная книга - «Mutiny of the Little Sweeties». Краткое содержание книги:
“Very funny!” Kate said sullenly and uttered an angry outcry. It turned out that Peter had turned the head of the faucet the wrong way and covered the tiles with water.
“Society of mutual understanding of will!” Uncle Blahblah continued enthusiastically. “You tell me, ‘Do this!’ I’ll do it! The woman says, ‘Put down the glass, go to work!’ Here it is – genuine concern for fellow creatures!”
“Where’s your wife?” Kate asked.
“She left me. She wasn’t destined to understand my complex soul,” Uncle Blahblah said bitterly and again reached for the bottle.
“Please put the glass down and go to work!” Kate said.
“I’ll put it down… that is, I already did!” Uncle Blahblah said and obediently trudged off to Papa’s study to write a story. Some time later, he walked stealthily into the kitchen to get the bottle, but it turned out that Kate had already poured all the wine down the sink and washed the bottle, which was now drying upside down.
Uncle Blahblah uttered a sad sigh and returned to the office. He worked all night, both in his notebook and on the computer, and when all the children came downstairs in the morning to get ready for school, they saw Uncle Blahblah cooking eggs and bacon. Bacon was sizzling in the pan, and a very satisfied Uncle Blahblah was standing beside it.
“I was thinking about you all night!” he said very solemnly. “You people are creative, freelancers, so to speak, and your life is chaotic! You lack a system, discipline! That’s possible in a small family, in which everyone runs where he wants, but in a big family, the structure must be monarchic! Here’s what I’ve come up with for you, dear Gavrilovs!”
Uncle Blahblah ran into Papa’s study, and the printer started to hum almost immediately. Then Uncle Blahblah came out and attached a sheet of paper to the fridge with four magnets.
“Here!” he said. “The fruit of my night’s reflection! I once saw similar rules on the Internet. They’re similar in structure, but I’ve altered everything, of course.”
1. No matter what, Mama and Papa are always right.
2. And they will be right in the future.
3. Mama does not raise her voice, she draws attention to the important things and emphasizes details.
4. Papa does not curse, he worries that the children will develop into bad people.
5. Peter and Alex do not tease the girls, they prepare them for the fact that their husbands will also not be angels.
6. Alex does not refuse to read aloud, he proceeds from the premise that it is easier for an illiterate to remain a good person.
7. Kate does not bully Alena every second, she reminds her that she has a wise older sister.
8. Costa does not butt, he is preparing for the international tournament of fights without rules.
9. Vicky does not die twice an hour, she is rehearsing the ballet The Wounded Swan.
10. Rita does not whine like a chainsaw, she reminds everyone that she also has a right to attention.
11. All the children hear a speech addressed to them for the first time. They do not express dissatisfaction with shouts, but with calm objection, “I am distressed and cannot agree with you for such and such a reason.” After which, the reason is voiced and the next steps agreed upon.
Papa and Mama liked Uncle Blahblah’s rules. The children also appreciated them. Peter even asked to have them sent to him by email, and Rita and Costa laughed for a long time, not because they understood anything, but because they saw that the others were also laughing. Kate alone reacted sceptically to the family charter.
“Papa, he’s what, brilliant..?” Kate asked after breakfast, when everyone was drinking tea. Uncle Blahblah thought that they were talking about him and blushed modestly. “…puts a wet spoon into the sugar bowl!” she finished.
Late in the evening, when the other children were already asleep, Kate climbed up onto the wardrobe, tossed and turned for a long time, arranging her pad, then rolled over on her stomach and leaned out from under the blanket. This meant that Kate wanted to talk with Mama. Mama sensed this and remained below. She stood with one knee on a revolving chair.
Kate lowered her head, touching Mama with her hair. “All the same, Uncle Blahblah is partly right!” Kate declared. “You’re not correct parents.”
“Why?” Mama was surprised.
“Well, here’s an example. When you say NO, it should immediately be NO, not ‘no-yes-no-yes’. It’s always possible to pressure you or wear you down. You told Costa, ‘I’m not buying a chocolate egg!’ but then you bought it anyway. Inconsistency! Or tonight you said, ‘Candy only after dinner!’ But they gobbled them up before dinner, and nothing happened.”
“So I should chase after them with a chainsaw because of the candies?”
“No. But then there was no need to say ‘after dinner’. Instead, say, ‘I don’t care when you eat candy. Decide for yourself!’ Then there won’t be disobedience.”
Mama sighed. “I pity Costa.”
Kate hung down even lower. “You shouldn’t pity children! You must love them, but not pity them!”
“Why’s that?”
“Because! At our old school, Oksana Timofeevna was like that. At first, she took us all to the museums to see butterflies, and when her class got on her nerves, she poured a jar of water on Smirnov, pulled a wastebasket over Apresian’s head, and then ran away from school because Apresian’s parents are well-to-do.”
Mama thought for a moment. “So what do you recommend?”
“Well, change a little bit!” Kate graciously consented. "You’re good. And don’t argue with Papa! If he says something, so it will be. Love us, but no need to pity. We’re all little rascals.”
“Are you a rascal?”
“A little,” Kate sighed. “Each of us pressures you differently.”
“Vicky dies and Costa waves his sword?”
“Well, yes. Roughly,” Kate admitted.
“Hmm… And how is it at the Mokhovs?” Mama asked jealously.
“Everything’s the other way around there. It’s great! There the kids become the mother to their mama!” Kate said enthusiastically, and Mama was even a little jealous because Kate rarely praised anyone.
“How’s that?”
“I don’t know how to explain to you… Aunt Tanya sits at the computer, and they bring her sausages on bread. They cook and bring it! The kids can generally do anything. You want to sleep for three hours, do. You don’t want to lie down, don’t, but do you still have to go to school in the morning? Therefore, they go around twelve, and read as much as they want, and watch whatever movie they want.”
“And supervision?”
“Why supervise them if they are normal? Indeed, all parents only pretend to supervise. Actually, to supervise someone, you have to be a born bully. People simply delude themselves, yell at the kids because of a spot of ketchup on a shirt, and the kids quietly laugh at them and nothing changes.”
Mama put a hand on her forehead. “And what do you recommend?”
“Two options!” Kate said. “Option A. You’ll be quite strict. But it doesn’t work for you, because we already know that you aren’t strict. Option B. You’ll just quietly paint, sculpt with clay, and read aloud. Then you’ll be happy because you like all this, and we’ll sense this and then the whole house will be happy! This I, Catherine the Great, said! Good night!”
Chapter Fourteen
How Peter Lost a Billion to Rita
The worse the circus, the more the clowns.