The Brass Bed

“Goodbye, Harvey.”

He went away, and I did some work on some papers, and the papers had been written by the students in my class and were mostly pretty bad. It took quite a long time to finish them, and it was about two in the afternoon when I left. I went outside and down the steps to the walk, and Fran was sitting there on a stone bench in the shade of a high hedge. I was surprised to see her and stopped in front of her.

“Hello, Fran,” I said. “What are you doing here?”

“If you want to know,” she said, “I’ve come to see you.”

“I was certain you’d be going to Kirby’s funeral.”

“No. I’m not going. Why were you certain that I would?”

“I thought Jolly might want you to be with her or something.”

“Oh, nonsense, Felix. Jolly will manage perfectly well without me, and it is only a matter of going through the accepted formalities with Kirby and getting them over with.”

“I was talking with Harvey a couple of hours ago, and he seemed to have the same impression.”

“Well, it is surely apparent to you above all people, Felix, that Jolly did not consider Kirby essential to her happiness.”

“She considered his money essential.”

“That’s something else altogether. Jolly is a very sensible person and naturally recognizes that it is imperative to be comfortable. However, as I say, Kirby and his money were two entirely different matters and have now been separated.”

“Yes, they have. They certainly have.”

“That remark had quite a nasty sound, Felix, and I would like to know what you mean by it.”

“Just what I said. Kirby and his money have been separated.”

“Oh, well, if you are determined to be sly and deceptive, I’m sure there is nothing I can do about it, and I didn’t come here to quarrel with you but to ask you to please do something at once about Jolly.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Must you be obtuse, as well as sly and deceptive? Of course you know what I mean. You know perfectly well that Jolly loves you; she would now like to resume her relationship with you without the handicap she previously had. I won’t go so far as to say she may have given old Kirby a push out of the boat, but regardless of that, I must say frankly that you have been a failure at taking advantage of the opportunity that has resulted.”

“Am I a disappointment to you?” I asked her.

“Yes, you are, and that is what I have come to talk with you about.”

“How did you know I wouldn’t be going to the funeral?”

Fran shrugged. “I thought it likely that Kirby wouldn’t be much of an attraction for you. I went around to your place and was told that you were here at the college so far as anyone knew, so I came here and waited outside your building on this bench, as you see, and now, in order that we may talk comfortably, I suggest that we go down to the Kernel on the Corner.”

“The Kernel on the Corner? What’s that?”

“Why it’s a place where you can buy beer and have all the popcorn you can eat given to you in a bowl. It’s right on a corner, as the name implies, and it’s quite a nice place if you like beer and popcorn. Hadn’t you ever heard of it?” she asked incredulously.

“No, I hadn’t. Never.”

“Perhaps, being a teacher and interested in things like poems by clerics, you don’t get around much. As for me, I go many places, and this is one of the places I’ve gone. Will you take me there and talk with me?”

“If you like. I’ll even buy you some beer and popcorn.”

“It isn’t necessary to buy the popcorn. It’s given to you in a bowl.”

“Is the place far from here?”

“About two miles, I think. Do you have your car here?”

“It’s down there at the curb.”

“Then there is no problem. We will drive down there and talk about what I have on my mind, and I will warn you in advance that I am rather angry with you for permitting Sid to become jeopardized.”

“Permitting Sid to become what? What the hell are you talking about?” I said.

“Never mind. I’ll explain it very carefully when we have reached the Kernel on the Corner.”

She stood up, and we went down to the Chevvie and got in. After a little coaxing, the Chevvie began to run, and I drove to the Kernel on the Corner according to directions supplied by Fran. It was a clean, plain place, and it was true about the popcorn. A man brought a bowl of it and put it on the table between us, and afterward brought cold draught beer in very large schooners.

“Do you approve of the beer?” Fran said.

“Yes. It seems to be excellent.”

“It seems so to me too. I have recently developed quite a taste for beer, as a matter of fact. I think it began developing when we had so much at the river.”

“We almost had a good time that day, didn’t we? It’s unfortunate that it was spoiled by what happened to Kirby.”

“Kirby was always spoiling something. It was part of his character.”

“Are you prepared now to tell me in what way I am permitting Sid to become jeopardized?”

“Certainly. You are permitting him to become jeopardized by doing absolutely nothing constructive about Jolly.”