Чернобыль. Страницы жизни и любви

I am grateful to everyone who had come. Those were various people, many of whom I saw for the first time in my life, but they all supported me so much, helped me so greatly. We buried that amazing man. Sergei united us. The grave turned out to be very beautiful, a sea of living flowers and wreaths, a small column and a photograph of Sergei. Young, smiling, light in his eyes, the light of life.

I remained alone and collapsed onto the grave, I cried, but I knew that he was in a better place now. He is the most beautiful and the best. I loved him so much. Even during the funeral I felt his love, as if he was showing it to everyone – this is my woman, my wife. He is forever with me. We are together.

I kissed the photograph and slowly wandered home. Tears were flowing, but I was calm. At first, I came to the grave every day. I came to the church, then to him. Only there, after I had spoken to him, did I achieve some kind of peace, but I still miss him a lot.

Now the pain doesn’t lessen, rather it gets stronger, while the emptiness kills. I come to him, fall to his grave and cry and scream and weep. I talk to him. Sometimes I am ready to dig up the earth. Without you I am incapable, I just go crazy, it is so hard for me, but I am very happy: we had those two years, and you were with me. I come to him, cry and talk, and he hears me, he waits for me, I know that. He is nearby and helps me.

It seemed to me that I wouldn’t outlive his death, but I am living, maybe not living, but existing, but here I am. I live with love for him. I look for strength. It’s so difficult, frightening and painful. Sometimes it’s unbearable. For a long, long time, there won’t be any respite for me. It is very difficult in such a condition, the sorrow that is in you is great, and it weighs you down. It is you who feels all that and undergoes everything. It is yours. But life goes on and everything changes. But I know that our love is heavenly, forever. Many events followed Sergei’s death. But I know for certain that his love will continue to warm me, it will help us all.

The song which Sergei sang on our wedding was his gift to me. I don’t know who wrote these words, but in Sergei’s performance, it was beautiful and unforgettable.