The Lacquer Screen

When they had emptied a cup, Judge Dee wiped off his moustache and said:

'You may be a master-thief, Kun-shan, but that's child's play compared to our work. Let me tell you a few adventures we've had on the road. You remember, mate, that time in Kiangsu Province, when we . . .'

'I am not interested in your tall tales!' Kun-shan inter­rupted him sourly. 'Your work is based on brute force, mine on brains! It takes years and years to become a real expert at burglary.'

'Nonsense!' Judge Dee shouted. 'Even I can manage to open a door lock from the outside! Once you are in the house, you overpower the owner, ask him politely where his valuables are, take them, and off you go! There's nothing to it!'

'It's you who are talking nonsense!' Kun-shan said angrily. 'Your method is that of the common, stupid robber. He gets away with it once or twice, but then the hue and cry is out for him and he is caught. I have my own method, which I have practised for more than thirty years. And I've never been caught once, despite the fact that I usually work in the same city for a couple of years.'

The judge gave Chiao Tai a broad wink.

'He is a glib talker, isn't he?' he asked. 'He has a secret method, you know, transmitted only from master to pupil, on the ninth day of the waning moon!'

'Since you two are nothing but a couple of vulgar rowdies,' Kun-shan said with scorn, 'there's no harm in telling you. You could never in your life even start to imitate me! This is how I work. I begin by studying the house, its inmates and all their habits for a few weeks. I talk to the servants, I talk to the shopkeepers in that neighbourhood, I invest a bit of money in these inquiries. Then I break in, but I don't take anything, I have plenty of time, you see. I just have a look around the house. I can stay in a cupboard for hours on end, stand concealed in the fold of a curtain, curl myself up in a clothes-box, or squeeze into the narrow space behind a bedstead. Thus I observe the people who live there waking and sleeping, I listen to their most intimate conversations, I spy on them when they think they are alone. Then, at last, I make my final visit. There's no forcing of locks, no frantic searching. Nobody is disturbed, nothing is displaced. If there is a secret hiding-place for the money, I know it better than its owner; if there is a safe, I know exactly where to find the keys. Nobody ever sees or hears me. Often it takes them days to realize that their money is gone! And then they don't think of a burglar! No, husbands begin by suspecting wives, wives suspect concubines. ... I fear I have caused numerous misunderstandings and brought discord to many a harmonious household! ' He chuckled, covering his mouth with his hand. Then he concluded in a harsh voice: 'Well, my clever friend, now you know my method!'

'Remarkable!' Judge Dee exclaimed. 'I hate to admit it, but I could never do that. I don't doubt that your secret observations have taught you a thing or two about men and women, including a few new tricks on the bedmat, eh?'

Kun-shan's face contorted in a grimace that made him look even more repulsive. He hissed:

'Spare me your smutty jokes! I hate and despise women and the dirty games their loathsome men play with them. I hate those hours I must spend hidden in bedrooms, hearing lewd creatures cooing to their stupid husband while selling him their bodies, or coyly feigning to refuse him till he is cringing and wheedling for what I see them offer gratis to their lovers. Those sickening, abominable . . .' He suddenly checked himself. Sweat was pearling on his brow. Glaring at the judge with his one eye, he got up. He said in a hoarse voice: 'I'll meet you here at noon tomorrow.'

As soon as the door had closed behind him Chiao Tai exclaimed disgustedly:

'What a foul creature! Why in the name of Heaven did you want to listen to his ranting?'

'Because,' Judge Dee said calmly, 'I hoped to hear from him about methods for breaking-in that might indicate how an intruder entered Mrs Teng's quarters. Second, I wanted to learn a little more about Kun-shan's character, and I got quite an instructive lesson on how frustration can warp a man's mind.'

'Why his sudden love for us?' Chiao Tai asked sourly.

'Presumably because we are exactly the combination he needs for his blackmail scheme. He knows that I, who look fairly respectable, I trust, can gain admittance to the banker's private office, and am capable of conducting the negotiation, while he trusts you to add physical pressure, if that should prove necessary. Moreover, we are strangers here. He couldn't easily find a pair of crooks so eminently suited to his purpose, and I presume that that's why he went out of his way to contact us. However, there's still the possibility of a snake in the grass somewhere. I didn't like his quick acceptance of my proposal to share the loot. I had expected long and com­plicated bargaining. Well, anyway, we'll have to see to it that Kun-shan is put behind bars, and for the rest of his life. He is an evil, dangerous villain.' The judge passed his hand over his eyes, then went on: 'I'll now write a note to the coroner. Try to find me an ink-stone and writing-brush. I suppose the Corporal needs them, if only for jotting down his dots and crosses!'