A Week as Andrea Benstock

“I’m glad.”

“And I hope you don’t regret it either.”

His face relaxed in a smile. “There aren’t all that many things I regret. You’re certainly not one of them. As a matter of fact, most of the things I regret are the things I didn’t do, not the things I did. Not that I haven’t done a few stupid things in my life, but somehow it doesn’t seem awfully productive to regret them. Want a brandy?”

“If you’re having one.”

“I think I’ll have a little scotch, myself.”

“I’ll have a brandy.”

He caught the waiter’s eye, ordered drinks. “You’ve got him in a bind, you know,” he said. “He doesn’t really know what to do.”

“Mark? I’ve been perfectly open with him.”

“He thinks you’ll change your mind.”

“Well, he’s wrong.”

“Maybe. It’s a kind of a double bind. He’s trying to decide whether you’re going to want to come back and at the same time he’s trying to figure out whether or not he wants you back. It’s a confusing situation for him.”

“I just told you—”

“I know what you told me. The kid’s a big element in all of this. Robin. He doesn’t want to use her as a weapon but he’s damned if he’s going to let you bring her up in New York City. He says he’ll fight you on that, Andrea.”

“Oh, the hell with that.” She had already thought of all of this, but she could nonetheless not help reacting. “He can’t keep me from taking her. I’m Robin’s mother.”

She went on, trying to keep herself from getting hysterical, and when she paused he said, “What I’ve been telling Mark is the same thing I’ll tell you. This is all premature speculation. You’ve already said you don’t want to pull her out of school in the middle of the term. That means she’s set until June. He hired a housekeeper, you know.”

“So I understand.”

“Robin gets along with her well enough. She misses you, though. She can’t really understand why you’re not home with her.”

“Watch it, Cass.”

“Well, for Christ’s sake, Andrea.”

“I mean the role of fucking moral authority and wise old family counselor doesn’t sit that well with me.

Does Mark know you were fucking his wife once upon a time?”

“Not unless he learned it from you.”

“From me! Why would I tell him?”

He shrugged. “It’s not exactly unheard of, you know. Husbands and wives can hurl a lot of shit at each other when they fight. In a good knock-down-drag-out battle they don’t care who it lands on, themselves included. I thought you might have said something to him.”

“Why? Has he acted differently?”

“No. But I don’t know that he would. He can be very open, but he’s also good at keeping things to himself.”

“Well, I still don’t know him.”

“Did you ever really try?”

“Oh, please,” she said.

They had two more rounds of drinks before he called for the check and signed it. Outside she said, “You can just put me in a cab, Cass. It’s silly for you to run all the way uptown when your hotel’s three blocks from here.”

“I’ll ride up with you. They tell me this town’s full of muggers and perverts.”

“No passes, though, huh?”

“Oh, hell.”

She clutched his arm. “I’m sorry. But I understand men think they can have any woman they’ve had in the past.”

“You understand that, do you?”

“It’s what I’ve read. Isn’t it true?”

“Probably. Aren’t women the same way?”

“I hadn’t even thought of it that way.”

“No passes, Andrea. Your virtue’s safe with me.”

“I know I’m being silly. I’m sorry.”

“Forget it.”

When the cab got to her apartment she felt she had to invite him in. He was hesitant but she repeated the invitation and he paid for the cab and followed her to her door, and into the small apartment. One drink and he could go track down another cab and be on his way, she thought. And what, really, had she ever seen in him? In Buffalo he’d had a certain kind of dash, an irreverence that had been refreshing, but in Manhattan he was just an upstate lawyer gawking at tall buildings. One drink and she’d yawn and talk about having to get up early for work, and he’d take the hint and get out of her apartment, and out of her life.

But when he had his one drink and rose to go without her having to yawn a hint at him, she said, “Oh, it’s early, Cass. You don’t want to go back to your hotel now, do you? Unless you’ve got something more exciting to look forward to than an empty room.”

“No, but don’t you have to get up early?”

“I’ve become a night person. Let me freshen that for you.” She made new drinks for both of them, put on the radio and found the FM jazz station. She sat on the couch with her shoes off and her legs crossed. “Aren’t you warm? The valves in the radiator don’t work and there’s no way to regulate the heat. Take your tie and jacket off if you want.”