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The Last Drive and Other Stories

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When Colonel Phillips begins his final game of golf, his greatest problem in life is that he has begun to slice the ball. Playing with his lawyer and nephews, Phillips fights his way back into the game and is on the verge of victory when he keels over. He clutches his chest, mumbles a few words, and is dead in minutes. The doctor has no doubt: The colonel was poisoned. Finding the culprit falls to the president of the golf club, amateur detective Canby Rankin, who will do whatever it takes to find the killer on the links. Written nearly a century ago, “The Last Drive” is now available for the first time in book form. Clever, charming, and absolutely baffling, it is the tale that inspired the first Nero Wolfe novel, Fer-de-Lance, and along with the other stories in this volume represents the early efforts of a modern genius.
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“Oh... I see... a joke,” he stammered. “Ha, ha! I... pretty good!”

“No,” said Sackerville, sharper still. “It’s no joke.” He turned to the grocer. “You must forgive me for this, Andy; I think you will. As for you, Gowanton, I don’t care to make any apologies or explanations. I don’t criticize you. I will even admit that you have as much right to happiness as I have. But I happen to be stronger — so much the worse for you. You can’t marry Melissa Beach, because I’m going to marry her myself.”

“By—” cried the grocer, starting up.

Gowanton was on his feet, too, but he was too astounded to speak. What can you say to a madman? Who ever heard of anyone going up to a bridegroom on his wedding morning and telling him he is going to take his bride away from him? It isn’t done, that’s all. Stupefied, Gowanton grew red and pale by turns as he stood and gazed at Sackerville with his mouth open.

“Why—” he stammered, why — you must be crazy—”

“No.” Sackerville smiled. “I don’t wonder you’re surprised. No doubt it’s a bit stiff. If I may say so, I am treating you as well as I possibly can. I could — I am pretty sure I could — have run off with her last night, but that wouldn’t have been fair to her or you either. I was talking to her in the library. She doesn’t love you, Gowanton, and she doesn’t want to marry you. She isn’t even willing to marry you. Why, she’d even prefer me. So you can’t have her.”

It was at this point that Andrew Beach stepped softly to the door and turned the key in the lock. Why? Probably he didn’t know himself. He merely felt that it would be best to have the door locked, so he locked it. Then he turned with his back against it and stood looking at the two men facing each other in the middle of the room.

“So,” Gowanton was saying, “you’ve been talking to her.”

“Yes. Last night.”

“And you knew... you knew—”

“Yes, I knew.”

“Then—” Gowanton paused, and his eyes slowly left Sackerville and went to Andrew Beach at the door.

“I am sorry,” he said to the grocer, “to have to call your guest a cad in your own house.”

Then his eyes came back.

“You are a cad, Mr. Sackerville,” he said calmly.

But Sackerville never budged. “No doubt,” he said drily. “I don’t measure a man by his manners, Gowanton. Anyway, you’re wrong. I have a thousand claims here to your one. She is mine, really mine, but you wouldn’t understand if I tried to explain. She is mine, but I’m going to give you a chance.”

He turned.

“Andy, will you send for your daughter? And ask her which of us — Gowanton or me — she would rather marry.”

“No, he won’t!” cried Gowanton suddenly, spring to the door. “It’s absurd! Why, it’s absurd! Mr. Beach—”

“Don’t let him out, Andy,” said Sackerville.

“But it’s ridiculous, I tell you! I won’t stand for it! Why, you—”

“Wait a minute, Mr. Gowanton.” Andrew Beach raised his voice for the first time. “You have reminded me that this is my house. I’m going to do what Sackerville asks. I’ve known him longer than you have, and I think — anyway, he’s right. Melly ought to have a chance, and I’m going to give her one. You wait—”

He unlocked the door, poked his head out and called to a servant in the hall. Then he closed the door again and turned to the two men.

“We haven’t much time,” he observed, glancing at his watch. “It’s twenty after eleven. We were to leave for the church at a quarter to twelve. The only thing is, if Melissa—”

A knock sounded. A voice came:

“Daddy!”

The grocer opened the door, and Melissa entered. He stepped forward to take her hand, then sprang back so suddenly that he nearly lost his balance as another figure, that of his wife, advanced across the threshold.

The mother and daughter stood, one a little in front of the other, stopped short by the appearance of three men where they had expected to find one or, at the most, two. But Mrs. Beach soon found her voice.

“John!” she cried, looking at Gowanton in amazement. “What in the name of goodness are you doing here?”

The bridegroom scowled. Andrew Beach proved his bravery by coming forward and opening his mouth to explain; but Sackerville, knowing that to be both useless and dangerous, put his hand on his friend’s arm and said something in a low tone, and Andrew Beach nodded and turned to his daughter.

“Melly,” he said, “come here.”

She obeyed wonderingly. All in white, enveloped in lace and satin, she looked so fresh and lovely that she seemed to belong to a different world from those common-looking men in their black and gray. She went to her father’s side, glancing first at Gowanton, then at Sackerville.

“Listen, Melly,” said the grocer, patting her hand, “I want to ask you something I should have asked you a long time ago. I’ve been a bad father; but it’s not too late. Tell me the truth — remember, the truth — do you want to marry John Gowanton?”

“Good heavens!”

It was Mrs. Beach’s voice.

“Are you crazy, Andrew? I knew it was something — when I saw John here — I knew it—”

But her husband silenced her for once. You would never have supposed that authority to be concealed in the little grocer’s breast unless you had heard him in a business crisis.

“Not another word from you!” he commanded.

Then he turned to his daughter.

“Do you want to marry John Gowanton?” he repeated.

But though Melissa had had a moment to recover from her astonishment she could only stammer:

“Why, I am — yes — that is—”

“No, don’t be frightened,” said the grocer. “Tell me the truth; do you want to marry him?”

Melissa looked at her father, at Sackerville, at her mother, and finally at Gowanton. She looked at him a long time, directly in his face, as if she were seeing him for the first time. And then her eyes dropped, and she saw her bridal dress with its folds of white, and her face suddenly grew pale with resolution.

“No,” she said, in a low, distinct voice. “No, I don’t want to marry him.”

A sharp cry came from her mother:

“Melissa!”

“Let her alone,” said the grocer. “You’ve done enough as it is. Thank God, it’s not too late. Mr. Gowanton — you’ve heard — I’m sorry—”

If Gowanton’s face had been red before, it was purple now with emotion. It could be seen that he was hard put to maintain his role of gentleman. He looked very much as though he wanted to hit somebody.

“You mean—” he stammered violently and could get no farther.

“Yes,” said Andrew Beach. “I’m sorry.”

Gowanton choked. He glared at Sackerville a moment, then he turned and bowed formally to Melissa; then he went to the door, wheeled and bowed to Mrs. Beach. The next moment he was gone — gone in a rush down the stairs and through the hall to where his big gray limousine waited at the curb.

“And now,” said Mrs. Beach in tense tones of fury, “now, Andrew Beach, perhaps you’ll explain—”

“You bet I’ll explain,” said the grocer grimly. “But first, I know you’ve been to a lot of trouble for this wedding, and there’s a church full of people down the street waiting for us. It’s been a big expense, too, and I don’t like to throw away money. Gowanton’s gone, thank God, but we’ll give Melly a chance to dig up another bridegroom.”

He turned to Sackerville.

“Just ask her, Harry. Ask her yes or no. No pushing. Only, if she wants to and you want to, I’ll get a car to take you to the church and we’ll have some fun with society.”

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