Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine. Vol. 152, Nos. 5 & 6. Whole Nos. 926 & 927, November/December 2018
- Автор: Ловси Питер, Зельцерман Дэйв
- Год: 2018
- Язык: английский
- Год: Dell Magazines
- ISBN: 0013-6328
- Жанр: Другие детективы
Электронная книга - «Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine. Vol. 152, Nos. 5 & 6. Whole Nos. 926 & 927, November/December 2018». Краткое содержание книги:
Kaycee stared at him and began blotting up the spewed soup. “Well, the culinary term is roasted sago grubs. Garrett, what’s the matter? You knew my mom was cooking this meal with insects.”
Bugs? The food was made with bugs? Not jugs or mugs. Not even drugs. Garner took deep breaths, trying not to vomit. Then he noticed that everybody was staring at him. They all seemed shocked, like he was the weird one.
“It’s okay,” Shirley said. “Everyone has a different reaction their first time.”
She seemed willing to overlook the fact that he was surprised, so Garner decided to go with it. He couldn’t admit he’d tuned out most of what Kaycee had said the prior night. He dabbed his mouth with his napkin and said, “Sorry about that. Yes, I knew. I just... well... it’s one thing to know you’re going to eat insects, and it’s another to hear the word worms. There’s just something about that word, you know?”
“Of course,” Kaycee said.
Shirley nodded, then her eyes drifted past him. “Mom, you’re the last one up,” she said to Helen. “What are you thankful for?”
Garner was utterly thankful that Kaycee had bought his lame excuse and Shirley had taken the focus off of him. While Helen yelled about how grateful she was for her medicine — or Thomas Edison, something like that — Garner inched his chair away from the bowl of worms. It didn’t help much. So it was a complete relief when Kaycee’s sisters cleared the soup bowls a few minutes later and two platters began being passed, light-meat and dark-meat turkey.
By this point, Garner wasn’t feeling hungry, but he had to put on a good show. The light meat reached him first, and he inspected it. He didn’t see any creepy-crawlies. And turkey wasn’t soup, in which bugs could be mixed without being noticed. It must be safe, he figured. He took a couple of slices and asked Helen if she wanted any.
“No way! I’m holding out for the dark meat. At my age, I’m going to eat what I want.”
That sounded smart to Garner. He started passing the white-meat platter to one of Kaycee’s brothers-in-law, while Kaycee asked him if he wanted the side dishes. Without thinking, he said yes.
In a split second, it seemed, one of Kaycee’s sisters spooned stuffing onto his plate, the other ladled cranberry sauce, and Kaycee set down a helping of green-bean casserole. Garner examined the food. It all looked bug free.
He waited until everyone else dug in and decided to start with the turkey. He took a tentative bite. It tasted fine, so he took another.
Brian started laughing. “You look scared, Garrett. Don’t worry. There aren’t any insects in the main dish.”
Garner’s cheeks burned while almost everyone chuckled at his expense, but he didn’t care. At least he could eat this course in peace.
The conversation moved onto politics — who would’ve thought politics would be a less problematic topic than the food itself? — and Garner busied himself eating. Shirley became animated, jabbing the table, insisting that honesty was of the utmost importance, and not just for politicians. She glanced Garner’s way. He focused on his food. Could she suspect something? Nah. Why would she? He had to be imagining things. Just play it cool, Garner. Show you like her food. That’ll make her happy. And he did like this course, especially the green-bean casserole. It had this cheesy topping with a yummy peanut flavor. He helped himself to seconds of that, as well as the cranberry sauce. He enjoyed its sweet almond taste.
At one point, Kaycee reached over and squeezed his hand. “I’m glad you’re enjoying the meal.”
“I am. To tell you the truth, it’s a relief that this course doesn’t have any insects in it. Those grubs were more off-putting than I’d expected.”
“No insects?” Helen yelled. “Sonny, are you in for a rude awakening.”
Garner’s stomach twisted. He turned to Kaycee, his eyes wide and questioning. “I thought this course had no insects in it. Your dad said—”
“I said that the main dish didn’t have any insects in it,” Brian said, grinning. “I didn’t say anything about the side dishes.”
As bile rose in Garner’s throat, he stared at his plate. He’d eaten almost everything on it, including the extra helpings.
“You liked it all, didn’t you, Garrett?” Shirley asked.
He nodded, the bile inching higher as disgust at what he might have swallowed washed over him.
“I’m happy to hear it,” Shirley said. “You’re a good guinea pig. I’m thinking of offering these dishes at my catering company.”
“Catering company?” Garner said. She thinks people will pay to eat bugs?
“Yes,” Kaycee said. “Remember, that’s where I work as a baker.”
“Right,” he said. She was a baker. Not a ticket taker.
“So tell me,” Shirley said. “Did anything taste too buggy to you?”
The word buggy made the bile rise even higher in Garner’s throat.
“Could you taste the mealworms in the cornbread stuffing?” Shirley asked.
Mealworms? Garner’s stomach flipped.
“How about the wax worms in the cranberry sauce?”
Garner felt the blood drain from his face.
“Or the green-bean casserole. Could you taste the grasshoppers?”
Garner began gagging. “Bathroom.” He heard laughter as he ran, barely reaching the toilet before he retched.
Garner spent at least ten minutes in the bathroom, vomiting three times, then dry-heaving several more. The food had actually tasted good, but the thought of eating bugs kept making him sick. When he finally left the bathroom, he hoped he might be able to sneak upstairs, but Kaycee was waiting for him. Of course.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Sure. Sorry if I’ve upset your mom.”
“You haven’t,” she said, grabbing his hand and leading him into the living room, where everyone was now watching the game. Garner and Kaycee took their spots on the couch, and she rubbed his back. When he spotted the guacamole in arm’s distance, he pushed it away.
“What was in the dip?” He didn’t want to know but couldn’t keep himself from asking.
“Grasshopper,” Shirley said. “You toast them, then mix them in with all the usual ingredients.”
Garner covered his mouth with his palm, breathing deeply, trying to settle his stomach again.
“I have to say, Garrett, I’m surprised by your reaction to the food,” Shirley said. “Being a med student, I’d think you would appreciate the health benefits that come from eating insects.”
“Benefits?” Garner immediately regretted his response as Shirley’s eyes flashed. That clearly hadn’t been the correct reaction for someone who was supposed to be in medical school.
“Yes, benefits,” Shirley said, taking on a snooty tone. “They’re full of protein. Much better than meat, dairy, or eggs. They’re low in cholesterol and are a wonderful source of iron, zinc, and magnesium, among other nutrients.”
Time to get back in the game, Garner. You’ve got to win this lady over before she asks you to leave. You didn’t go through all this for nothing.
“I didn’t know that,” he said. “You’re certainly widening my worldview today. Thank you. I think I’d like to try them again on another day... once my stomach has settled.”
Shirley nodded, apparently appeased. Kaycee squeezed his hand. Seemed he’d made her happy too. That made him surprisingly glad. Now he just had to figure out how to ditch everyone for a few minutes so he could find Kaycee’s room.
His chance came when Shirley said it was time for dessert. She and her daughters would slice up the pies and bring pieces out so they all could continue watching the fourth quarter.