The World's Greatest Books [Volumes 1-15, 17-20]

Sganarelle: Yes, that was so formerly; but we have changed all that, and nowadays we practise medicine by an entirely new method.

Géronte: I did not know that. I must ask you to pardon my ignorance.

Sganarelle: There is no harm done. You are not obliged to be as clever as we are.

Géronte: Certainly not. But what do you think, monsieur, ought to be done for this complaint?

Sganarelle: My advice is that she should be put to bed, and, for a remedy, you must see that she takes plenty of bread soaked in wine.

Géronte: Why so, monsieur?

Sganarelle: Because in bread and wine mixed together there is a sympathetic virtue which causes speech. Don't you know that they give nothing else to parrots, and that they learn to speak by being fed on this diet?

Géronte: That is true. What a great man you are! Quick, bring plenty of bread and wine.

Sganarelle: I shall come back at night to see how she is getting on.

Géronte: Just wait a moment, please.

Sganarelle: What do you want?

Géronte: To give you your fee, monsieur.

Sganarelle (holding out his hand from under his gown, while Géronte opens his purse): I shall not take it, monsieur.

Géronte: I beseech you.

Sganarelle: You are jesting.

Géronte: That is settled.

Sganarelle: I will not.

Géronte: What!

Sganarelle: I don't practise for money.

Géronte: I am sure you don't.

Sganarelle (after having taken the money): Is it good weight?

Géronte: Yes, monsieur.

Sganarelle: I am not a mercenary doctor.

Géronte: I know that.

Sganarelle: Self-interest is not my motive.

Géronte: I never for a moment thought it was.

[Exit.

Act II

Léandre, between whom and Lucinde a mutual attachment subsists, has an interview with Sganarelle, at which he implores the latter's assistance to obtain a meeting with his mistress, and tells him that her dumbness is a mere trick—a sham illness which she has feigned to free herself from a distasteful marriage into which her father wants to hurry her. In consideration of a purse of gold which Léandre gives him, Sganarelle introduces the young lover into M. Géronte's house as his apothecary, and when Léandre asks whether it is not necessary to know five or six long medical words with which to lard his conversation, ridicules the notion, and says that a medical dress is quite sufficient disguise. "I am resolved to stick to physic all my life," says Sganarelle. "I find that it is the best line of all; for whatever we do, right or wrong, we are paid, all the same. Blunders make no odds to us; we cut away the material we have to work with as we choose. A shoemaker, in making a pair of shoes, cannot spoil a scrap of leather without having to pay for it; but in this business we can spoil a man without its costing us a cent. The mistakes are never put down to our account; it is always the fault of the fellow who dies."