Love, Dad
- Автор: Хантер Эван
- Год: 1981
- Язык: английский
- Год: Crown
- ISBN: 978-0-517-54411-2
- Жанр: Роман, новелла
Электронная книга - «Love, Dad». Краткое содержание книги:
“Stop crying, Liss,” he said, and handed her his handkerchief. “Here. Blow your nose.”
“Thanks, Dad,” she said, and took the handkerchief. “God, I’m going to miss him, Dad.”
“You’ll get over it,” he said. “Dry your eyes.”
“I hope so, Dad. I mean, you don’t know what a trauma this is for me, Dad, He was the only one I had. When I realized I didn’t have a father anymore...”
“Didn’t have a father? Lissie...”
“You know what I mean, Dad. The distance between us and all.” She sat in the chair beside the dressing table, and pulled on her blue socks, and then began lacing the high-topped workman’s shoes. “Sparky was always there,” she said, “he was at least always there. And he respected me, Dad. I know that may sound strange, him hitting me and all...”
“Hitting you?”
“Yes, Dad,” she said, and looked up at him.
“Jesus, Lissie, why didn’t you tell me any of—?”
“I’m sorry, Dad but it wasn’t the kind of thing I could tell you, not when there were all those hard feelings between us.”
“Did you tell your mother?”
“Please don’t call her that, Dad, please! You have no idea how it hurts me to hear you calling her ‘your mother’ instead of ‘Mom.’ If you had any idea...”
“Lissie, it wouldn’t be right for me to refer to her as ‘Mom.’ We’re divorced now.”
“Yes, I know that, Dad, but couldn’t you please make the effort?”
“Lissie...”
“Knowing how much it means to me?”
She got up from where she was sitting, went to the dresser, and picked up Joanna’s silver hairbrush. As she began brushing her hair, she said, “Do you think Joanna would mind my using this?”
“You’ve used everything else,” Jamie said, “I think it’s a little late to be asking whether...”
“God, she didn’t have to say all those terrible things to me,” Lissie said, standing before the mirror and brushing her hair. “I mean, shit, it’s not as if I wanted any of this to happen, it just sort of got out of control.”
“You shouldn’t have invited those people here in the first place,” Jamie said.
“I didn’t invite them, Sparky did.”
“You’re my daughter, not Sparky.”
“If I’m your daughter, then how could you allow Joanna to say all those horrible things to me? Without once standing up for me. I mean, Jesus, Dad, how could you do that to your own daughter?”
“Lissie... Joanna’s my wife.”
“So she’s your wife! I’m your daughter! Doesn’t that count for anything? I’m your flesh and blood! A six-year-old, great, that’s what she called me, a six-year-old.”
“I was the one who...”
“Not that it should have come as any surprise. I mean, you’ve been telling me forever how immature I am. Or how thoughtless or careless or inconsiderate or whatever the hell. I guess it’s just never occurred to you how hurtful that can be. I mean, Dad, did it ever once occur to you that maybe you owe me a sincere apology? I mean, if you ever expect me to really forgive you.”
“Forgive me? For what?”
“For everything.”
“Everything? Honey, I’m not sure I know what you’re...”
“Well, for example, you never really helped me, no matter what you say now, when Holtzer restricted me to campus that time.”
“I came up to see you every—”
“Sure, but you didn’t get the restriction lifted, and it got into my files, and that’s why I didn’t get accepted at Vassar.”
“Lissie, you don’t know that for a—”
“And then, right after graduation, you ran off to Italy...”
“We’d planned that trip months in advance.”
“... and shipped me off to the Cape while you were having a good time over there. Well, so what? I’d been left alone before. But then you raised that terrible fuss when you found out I was living with Judd...”
“I think you can understand how—”
“And you wouldn’t even trust me with cash when I got stranded in Venice that time.”
“But Lissie, you did cash in the ticket I...”
“And again in India, it took forever to get the five hundred dollars I asked for...”
“I sent it the minute I received your letter. Lissie, I don’t see the point...”
“The point is... and Sparky, all that business with Sparky... the point, Dad, is you never seem to think about how I might be feeling about anything. Can’t you for once wake up in the morning feeling a little happier for me? Mornings are a beautiful time. Can’t you try to dig them?”
“All right, I’ll try to dig them,” he said, and smiled.
“Well, you don’t have to make fun of the way I talk, Dad.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t...”
“I mean, that’s just another sign of disrespect, isn’t it? You keep telling me there are two families now, but until I can become a respected member of this new family, as you call it, then how can I respect you in return? Or Joanna, either.”
“Let’s go back just a bit, okay?”
“Sure.”
“You said you wanted a sincere apology. What kind of...?”
“I don’t want a superficial apology, Dad.”
“You just told me...”
“How the hell can anyone apologize for all the hurt that’s been done to me? Jesus, why do you keep trying to make me feel guilty? What did I do, would you mind telling me?”
“Lissie, let’s try to hear each other, okay? I don’t think we’re hearing each other just now.”
“Maybe ’cause you’re not listening. I thought I was making myself perfectly clear.”
“You said you wanted an apology. All right, I think I’m adult enough to—”
“Meaning I’m not, right?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“When are you going to accept me for what I am, Dad? Mom accepts the real me! I don’t care how generous you are, Dad, I mean fuck the little gifts from Saks or Bonwit’s. It only matters how honest you are. And if you think going to bed with a dozen other women while you were still married to...”
“Lissie, I did not go to...”
“Oh, fuck it, who cares? But it wasn’t honest, can’t you at least admit that?”
“If it isn’t true, why should...?”
“Well, I happen to think it is true. Can’t you even discuss it with me? I’m almost twenty years old, I’ll be twenty in December, I’m not a kid sucking lollipops anymore. You should be able to discuss anything under the sun with...”