An Officer and a Lady and Other Stories

“Of course, I could have done some of this work in my own boodwar, but I wanted to use Devlin’s typewriter, and besides, I had a feeling it would be more gentlemanlike to do everything right there in the office. It somehow seemed natural and right to sign a man’s name on his own desk with his own pen and ink.

“When Devlin come back I had the letter all ready to mail stowed away in my pocket.

“ ‘Have you got that twelve hundred?’ says he.

“ ‘No,’ says I, ‘but I’ll get it in three days or bust.’

“ ‘You’d better,’ says he, ‘for when Jetmore says three days he don’t mean four.’

“I mailed the letter and check in Ironton that afternoon, and next day — that was Friday — I goes over to Horton on the very first train, and pedestrinates into Jetmore’s office on the stroke of ten.

“Jetmore met me cordial like a mule that’s just found something to kick. He’d smelled my money.

“ ‘Did you get it?’ says I.

“He pulled out the check I’d mailed in Ironton the day before. I looked at it over his shoulder, him holdin’ on with both hands.

“ ‘I guess about fifty of that belongs to you,’ says I.

“ ‘Fifty!’ says he. ‘Fifty!’

“ ‘No,’ says I, ‘I only said it once.’

“That’s what comes of gettin’ into the clutches of one of them grafters, Bendy. They’ll do you every time. But I let it go at a hundred to preserve my own interests. I couldn’t afford no argument.

“ ‘Well,’ says I, ‘give me the check.’

“ ‘Give me my hundred,’ says he.

“ ‘I ain’t got it,’ says I.

“ ‘Then we’ll cash the check,’ says he, and puts on his coat and hat.

“Bendy, ain’t that pitiful? Ain’t it pitiful? It was comin’ so easy I yawned right in his face. Says he, ‘then we’ll cash the check.’ Oh, the big fat boob!

“We goes down to the bank, and Jetmore steps up to the window.

“ ‘Good morning, Mr. Jetmore,’ says the teller, obsequies-like.

“Jetmore takes a pen, endorses the check, and passes it through the window.

“ ‘Give it to us in hundreds,’ says he.

“ ‘Not for me,’ says I, steppin’ up. ‘Make it twenties.’ You know, Bendy, centuries is all right, but they ain’t enough of ’em. They’re too scarce to be safe.

“The teller counts out ten twenties, slaps ’em on top of a pile with a bandage on ’em, and shoves ’em through the window to Jetmore. He counts off five and I sticks the rest in my pocket.

“ ‘Better count ’em,’ says Jetmore.

“ ‘I’ll take a chance,’ says I. “The young man looks honest.’ The truth is, I was beginning to get the shivers. They always come on me when I feel the stuff.

“Me and Jetmore turned to go. Just as we reached the door I felt that pile of twenties jump right out of my pocket and slap me in the face. Standin’ there lookin’ at us was Devlin.

“ ‘Hello, Jetmore,’ says he. ‘Good morning, Mr. Delman.’

“Bendy, stand up. No man can sit unrespectful while I relate the sequence. It fills my eyes with tears to think of it. I’ve been a modest man, but this is too much for me. I must tell the truth.

“I was in a hole, all right, but I still had hold of the rope. I knew that Devlin thinks I’m Leo and Jetmore thinks I’m Abe, and as long as they didn’t get a chance to chin on it I was safe.

“ ‘Mr. Devlin,’ says I, ‘I’m glad to see you. There’s a little matter I want to ask you about.’

“Jetmore started to spout before Devlin could answer and I interspersed.

“ ‘It’s an important matter,’ says I, ‘and I won’t keep you long.’

“Devlin stood lookin’ at us like he didn’t understand. Of course, Jetmore knew I knew Devlin, because I’d told him he was mine and Leo’s lawyer before the fight.

“Jetmore pulls out his watch and starts to go.

“ ‘I’ve got an appointment,’ says he. ‘I’ll see you later. Drop around to the office about one.’ Then he turns to me. ‘Come in and say good-by,’ says he, and off he goes.

“It took me about two minutes to explain to Devlin that I’d come up to Horton to try to get Jetmore to chop off a hundred on the settlement. Devlin laughed.

“ ‘Jetmore don’t do no choppin’,’ says he.

“ ‘Right you are,’ says I. ‘He won’t even give me no extra time.’

“ ‘What was it you wanted to ask me?’ says he.

“ ‘Mr. Devlin,’ says I, ‘I’m a poor man. Whether I get that twelve hundred I don’t know. But I got some friends in Pittsburgh what’s got it, and if you’ll let me have that fifty back for railroad fare I’ll make it a hundred when I settle up.’